Family of 6 in PA

to be a SINGLE PARENT. Kevin is such a fucking bastard! I am so sick of his hurtful words his terrible attitude everything!!!! He is mean to me, mean to the kids, very unpleasant be around 99% of the time. I am so sick of what he has done this year, spending tons of money on trains to sell, money we didn't have, resulting in having to charge groceries, gas etc....resulting in thousands of dollars in credit card debt. Resulting in a garage crammed to the brim with shit. Resulting in me having to spend hours and hours and hours to sell it on ebay, hours I could be spending with my children instead! But oh of course if I didn't have the BIRDS there would be some HOURS I could spend with the kids! RIGHT!!!! And then he carries on about the kids behavior and them not obeying what they are told....well if they had parents WITH them instead of parents off doing something else it wouldn't be a problem!!!! Yesterday in the car he was driving and I was in the back, reading to myself, so he made nasty comments about that, he felt I should have been physically abusing Jeffrey to make him stop his carrying on. Well he is entitled to his opinion but that doesn't make it right! How am I supposed to raise these children with him here?? ANd once again his solution is to send the boys to school! Then they wouldn't be here to cause all these problems! He says Why do we have to live like this!!! I said to him, well when you have kids you have to live with them!!!!

He is just so screwed up!!!! I told him I don't want to do this with the train stuff next year. First what he said was, its not October yet! that;s when the stuff will really sell good! Well that is not the point!!!! I would like to be with my children! Play with them! cook with them! read and write and science and math with them!!! I really would!!! But I have 26 items paid and ready to ship and that will take me hours today! And a whole garage full of shit that I need to get rid of! So he says, you don't have to list another MFing thing! I was like yeah right! I have to get rid of that shit! I don't see you listing anything! All he does is make a fucking mess and then complain about a messy house!!!! I am angry enough to kill him myself. I wish he would leave. This is just a terrible awful situation. I am so angry with him. He apologized for how he was acting. "you know, when I get tired..." same bull shit. I told him, as a Catholic you need to consider this your cross to bear, to suffer without making others suffer. To be nice and loving despite your physical infirmities. Maybe he will take that to heart. I dunno. Last night he was actually doing good with regard to talking to the kids instead of yelling. But then he spanked Nicole. He says he gave her a choice, clean up the food she had spit on the floor or get a spank. I told him there is ALWAYS more than 2 choices. I told him how my mother would have handled the situation, though that is not what I would have done, it is far better than spanking her. But I did congratulate him for TALKING instead of yelling, cursing, making stupid threats etc. That was progress for him! But I don't have much hope at all. I am so so angry and upset I wish it wasn't illegal and immoral to kill him! I want the asshole gone so bad right now!!!!!!