Monday, September 17, 2007

 

WHY???

we would all be better off if he was dead!!!!!!!!! sad, but true. he is a terrible person. terrible husband. awful abusive father. abusive physically, emotionally, mentally. he has little control of himself or his temper. tonight after a series of incidents he yelled, at me, when i tell him to fuckin do something, he'd better fuckin do it! so i got in his face and yelled it right back at him---when i tell you do fuckin do something, you'd better fucking do it! right? yes, he said. well, you don't!!! was my reply. he couldn't dispute it!!!

it is not right to yell, curse, threaten, call names, belittle, choke, slap across the face, or hit any other body part!!! it is not right!!! why can't he be a man and control himself??? what the hell is wrong with him?

if he's so damn sick that he can't work (and thus be away from us!!!) why can't he just die!!!!!!!!! what kind of life is this for me and my children??? God???? why???? why must we suffer???? take him so we can grieve and get on with our lives!!!!

 

I am SO ready......

to be a SINGLE PARENT. Kevin is such a fucking bastard! I am so sick of his hurtful words his terrible attitude everything!!!! He is mean to me, mean to the kids, very unpleasant be around 99% of the time. I am so sick of what he has done this year, spending tons of money on trains to sell, money we didn't have, resulting in having to charge groceries, gas etc....resulting in thousands of dollars in credit card debt. Resulting in a garage crammed to the brim with shit. Resulting in me having to spend hours and hours and hours to sell it on ebay, hours I could be spending with my children instead! But oh of course if I didn't have the BIRDS there would be some HOURS I could spend with the kids! RIGHT!!!! And then he carries on about the kids behavior and them not obeying what they are told....well if they had parents WITH them instead of parents off doing something else it wouldn't be a problem!!!! Yesterday in the car he was driving and I was in the back, reading to myself, so he made nasty comments about that, he felt I should have been physically abusing Jeffrey to make him stop his carrying on. Well he is entitled to his opinion but that doesn't make it right! How am I supposed to raise these children with him here?? ANd once again his solution is to send the boys to school! Then they wouldn't be here to cause all these problems! He says Why do we have to live like this!!! I said to him, well when you have kids you have to live with them!!!!

He is just so screwed up!!!! I told him I don't want to do this with the train stuff next year. First what he said was, its not October yet! that;s when the stuff will really sell good! Well that is not the point!!!! I would like to be with my children! Play with them! cook with them! read and write and science and math with them!!! I really would!!! But I have 26 items paid and ready to ship and that will take me hours today! And a whole garage full of shit that I need to get rid of! So he says, you don't have to list another MFing thing! I was like yeah right! I have to get rid of that shit! I don't see you listing anything! All he does is make a fucking mess and then complain about a messy house!!!! I am angry enough to kill him myself. I wish he would leave. This is just a terrible awful situation. I am so angry with him. He apologized for how he was acting. "you know, when I get tired..." same bull shit. I told him, as a Catholic you need to consider this your cross to bear, to suffer without making others suffer. To be nice and loving despite your physical infirmities. Maybe he will take that to heart. I dunno. Last night he was actually doing good with regard to talking to the kids instead of yelling. But then he spanked Nicole. He says he gave her a choice, clean up the food she had spit on the floor or get a spank. I told him there is ALWAYS more than 2 choices. I told him how my mother would have handled the situation, though that is not what I would have done, it is far better than spanking her. But I did congratulate him for TALKING instead of yelling, cursing, making stupid threats etc. That was progress for him! But I don't have much hope at all. I am so so angry and upset I wish it wasn't illegal and immoral to kill him! I want the asshole gone so bad right now!!!!!!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

 

KIDS AND CLEANING

Words of Deb

Sweeping isn't genetically programmed like walking. Mom's don't make
their kids walk by saying a few encouraging words. Some people
might find that sweeping up helps them have a better quality of life
but not all people care about clean or dirty floors. Not all people
live where there are floors to sweep and dishes to wash, but all
people who are physiologically able, walk. Mom's can make their
kids sweep up though, because of that power imbalance mentioned
earlier it can be that kids comply with a parents wishes not because
they see value in the task they've been assigned but because they
feel pressured to do what they're told out of fear of punishment or
some other misery if they don't comply.

A kid can only naturally help with household things if he's free to
help or not help. If a thing is valuable to an individual then that
person will do that thing.

It's the parents set the standards
for cleanliness that they then expect the children to adopt as their
own and live up to. Requiring a child to do chores in a home
selected by the parents to a standard set by the parents is not the
same as the inborn desire and physiological drive of humans to
acquire language and to walk. Maybe he's happy to help out and
never questions your system. But what if he does? If he doesn't
want to clean the toilet next time can he skip it?

Learning is natural but that doesn't mean all things learned have the
same value to the individual. Walking and talking will be valuable
for your son's lifetime. Sweeping may or may not be. The learning
of all those things can be done naturally.

If you believe the toilet must be
maintained at a certain level then take responsibility for that
conviction and be the one to clean the pot. I think of cleaning as a
gift I can give my family, to make our little house of chipping paint
and second hand store furniture a place of peace and comfort. I
worked as a housekeeper in a motel and if there's anything can make
you see cleaning your own bathroom as a very pleasant task it's
cleaning up after a motel full burly hunters who are subsisting for a
week on chewing tobacco and sausages and beer.

You could clean it. You could hire it cleaned. You could barter it
cleaned. You could trade with a friend who just loves shining
porcelain and do her laundry or mow her lawn. By saying it would
NEVER get cleaned are you telling us that you yourself would refuse
to clean it if it was not your turn and you saw that it was grimy?
Put a bleach disc in the tank. Put a box of premoistened cleaning
towels on the back of the toilet. Every morning when you get up go
wipe off the toilet. It's not a big deal, it takes about one minute,
it gets done every day, you're not making anyone else live up to your
standard for a clean toilet.

My kid helps with some housework too, so I know kids help generously
and willingly. The difference in an unschooling family is that kids
come to help with cleaning because they want to, not because parents
decide they should. The same reasoning applies to chores as applies
to math and reading. When a person sees value in reading and is
ready he will learn to read. That person might always just read what
he needs in order to get by and never have a desire to read the
classics or read for pleasure. When a person understands the value
of being able to figure out if he has enough money for two toys or
three and wants to be able to figure change, and when his brain is
ready, he learns to count and add and subtract. He may never feel
the need to learn higher math. When a kid sees the benefit of a tidy
house and when he is ready he will learn to do some things to make
his environment more comfortable. He may never feel the need for
perfect cleanliness and spotless floors or a toilet cleaned every day.

basic ideas of unschooling - that learning is natural and
doesn't require mom and dad provide lessons and that children are
good people who should be thought well of and treated with generosity





Thursday, September 06, 2007

 

words from Joyce

Unschooling works if there are two factors:

1) The parent understands it.

2) The parent's goals for their child match what unschooling can do.

Academics, who obviously have a lot invested in school working and
being necessary, have a hard time grasping that it can work. So
anything negative they write is from a point of not understanding.

Anyone who has goals that unschooling isn't meant to meet -- getting
any child into Harvard, keeping a child academically on par with the
schools, getting a specific type of feedback that learning is taking
place -- is going to find things to complain about unschooling. But
that's like complaining that the hammer didn't spread butter well.

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