Sunday, July 16, 2006
no peace in my home
my 8 yo J has been wildly exuberant all day. I got home from church (just the baby and I had gone) at around 2 and he has been insane since. its after 9 and he is still at it. i don't know what to do about him. he doesn't obey, not without threats of violence, or violence, when he is like this. ask him to do something, he says no and runs away. ask him not to do something, he smiles and does it some more. suggest that he go out and play basketball, which he loves to do, he won't do it. we are so tired of him throwing things, running through the house, making all kinds of noise, hurting siblings, destroying things, deliberately doing what he's been asked many times not to do. sometimes all of the above at the same time. this will go on and on until i or dh looses our temper and comes after him. i am trying to do the gentle parenting thing. i always AP'd him and never spanked him til he was about 2.5, and then when i did he'd just laugh. i've always tried to be a gentle parent. he's always been good at pushing, and pushing, and pushing until i explode. its like he thinks he can do whatever he wants. it seems like the only thing he will listen to is when my dh comes after him and yells.
and yet i am trying to be less controlling (my mom would say i don't control enough) and trying not to punish or threaten. which leaves me with what? if actions have no consequence, how does he learn to behave in an acceptable, responsible manner? they mostly eat what they want, when they want, and sleep when and where they want. they don't have any assigned chores. they have a free life. i've been told they need limits, boundaries, routines, and limited choices, and that such would make my life easier. i want them to be free to make choices, but ours is not a happy home with all the chaos, destruction and yelling. how can i be a peaceful parent? how can we have a joyful home? right now i am ready to put my 8 yo in school just to have a break! things are very different when he is not around. but i have not been good at enforcing routines, etc. and i don't see how it would make my life easier either.
well i just asked for advice on the ub list, so it'll be interesting to read what they say.
and yet i am trying to be less controlling (my mom would say i don't control enough) and trying not to punish or threaten. which leaves me with what? if actions have no consequence, how does he learn to behave in an acceptable, responsible manner? they mostly eat what they want, when they want, and sleep when and where they want. they don't have any assigned chores. they have a free life. i've been told they need limits, boundaries, routines, and limited choices, and that such would make my life easier. i want them to be free to make choices, but ours is not a happy home with all the chaos, destruction and yelling. how can i be a peaceful parent? how can we have a joyful home? right now i am ready to put my 8 yo in school just to have a break! things are very different when he is not around. but i have not been good at enforcing routines, etc. and i don't see how it would make my life easier either.
well i just asked for advice on the ub list, so it'll be interesting to read what they say.
# posted by Anne @ 6:08 PM 
