Monday, July 10, 2006
how to, and more on control
how to unschool (from a list)
Go on summer vacation and just stay on it. Look at what they choose
to do when they don't feel like they are "supposed to" be learning.
Find ways to add to, support, expand on what they choose to do while
on "vacation."
For example, if they play video games a lot, go to videogame stores,
read videogame magazines and websites, play with them and let them
explain all the specifics and nuances to you. Invite friends over to
play - hook up machines to each other - help the kids learn to play
online games and on and on.
Plus - offer other stuff that you think they might enjoy - visit
theme parks, living history sites, museums, concerts, etc. -- but
don't insist on anything - just enjoy it and, if kids are NOT
enjoying it, don't keep on.
the best thing you can do---especially since it's summer, is to
just keep having summer vacation. Don't quit in September. Have fun
with your passions. Immerse yourselves in them. If you're having too
much fun, GOOD!
makes such a good point - you won't be able to "control" them
when the issues get really big - sex, drugs, driving, and so on.
People who think they are "controlling" their teenagers, especially
once they can drive, are lying to themselves.
So - instead of relying on control when they're younger, start
relying then on mutual respect. By the time they are teenagers
they'll CARE about your opinion enough to at least thoughtfully
consider it. AND - they'll keep talking to you, not try to hide
things. And, occasionally, but only very occasionally, you can say,
"Please take my word for this. You know I haven't insisted on my way,
haven't tried to control you, but this is something that I feel
really strongly about and I'm asking you to do it (or not do it) on
the basis of trusting me."
If a kid wants to run and slide on a slippery floor -- help make that
happen safely - maybe a slip-n-slide in the yard would work. If a kid
wants to eat raw chicken, talk about why and see if there would be
some way to satisfy his/her wants. My kids wanted to eat raw cookie
dough (who doesn't?) but I don't like to see them eat raw eggs -
so we'd make some of the cookie dough without eggs - just dumping a
bit of it into a separate bowl.
Go on summer vacation and just stay on it. Look at what they choose
to do when they don't feel like they are "supposed to" be learning.
Find ways to add to, support, expand on what they choose to do while
on "vacation."
For example, if they play video games a lot, go to videogame stores,
read videogame magazines and websites, play with them and let them
explain all the specifics and nuances to you. Invite friends over to
play - hook up machines to each other - help the kids learn to play
online games and on and on.
Plus - offer other stuff that you think they might enjoy - visit
theme parks, living history sites, museums, concerts, etc. -- but
don't insist on anything - just enjoy it and, if kids are NOT
enjoying it, don't keep on.
the best thing you can do---especially since it's summer, is to
just keep having summer vacation. Don't quit in September. Have fun
with your passions. Immerse yourselves in them. If you're having too
much fun, GOOD!
makes such a good point - you won't be able to "control" them
when the issues get really big - sex, drugs, driving, and so on.
People who think they are "controlling" their teenagers, especially
once they can drive, are lying to themselves.
So - instead of relying on control when they're younger, start
relying then on mutual respect. By the time they are teenagers
they'll CARE about your opinion enough to at least thoughtfully
consider it. AND - they'll keep talking to you, not try to hide
things. And, occasionally, but only very occasionally, you can say,
"Please take my word for this. You know I haven't insisted on my way,
haven't tried to control you, but this is something that I feel
really strongly about and I'm asking you to do it (or not do it) on
the basis of trusting me."
If a kid wants to run and slide on a slippery floor -- help make that
happen safely - maybe a slip-n-slide in the yard would work. If a kid
wants to eat raw chicken, talk about why and see if there would be
some way to satisfy his/her wants. My kids wanted to eat raw cookie
dough (who doesn't?
so we'd make some of the cookie dough without eggs - just dumping a
bit of it into a separate bowl.
# posted by Anne @ 6:10 PM 
