Tuesday, October 23, 2007
You "Should" Follow Your Bliss!
THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove
:: You "Should" Follow Your Bliss! ::
Imagine a world with no shame and blame -- where
it's impossible to be "bad."
Imagine a world where people can stumble, make
mistakes, and sometimes even hurt each other, but
they are never deemed "wrong."
Errors are noticed, and course-corrections are made,
but blame and shame never enter the picture.
In this imaginary world, the word *should* is
obsolete. Think about it: the force behind any
"should" is almost always fear of being judged
(which includes self-judgment).
So, in our shame- and blame-free world, "should" has
no teeth, and you're free to follow your bliss.
Fortunately, the things that *really* matter to you --
like contributing to your children's well-being --
feel blissful when you do them, so you *want* to do
them. No "shoulding" is required.
Today, pretend your world is free of blame and
shame, so you have no reason ever to "should on
yourself." :-) Start following your bliss and soon
you won't be pretending anymore.
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove
:: You "Should" Follow Your Bliss! ::
Imagine a world with no shame and blame -- where
it's impossible to be "bad."
Imagine a world where people can stumble, make
mistakes, and sometimes even hurt each other, but
they are never deemed "wrong."
Errors are noticed, and course-corrections are made,
but blame and shame never enter the picture.
In this imaginary world, the word *should* is
obsolete. Think about it: the force behind any
"should" is almost always fear of being judged
(which includes self-judgment).
So, in our shame- and blame-free world, "should" has
no teeth, and you're free to follow your bliss.
Fortunately, the things that *really* matter to you --
like contributing to your children's well-being --
feel blissful when you do them, so you *want* to do
them. No "shoulding" is required.
Today, pretend your world is free of blame and
shame, so you have no reason ever to "should on
yourself." :-) Start following your bliss and soon
you won't be pretending anymore.
Friday, October 19, 2007
oh the irony
Of course Kevin loves to complain about the messy house, the house that *I* don't clean, the house that the kids *destroy* etc. Which in effect is claiming that he is innocent of wrong doing, what a joke! Here is the latest twist. You know how we have a long living room that is easily divided in half. Half we use for the TV, the other half has the fire place and where the kids play video games (though they haven't lately, ever since the puppy chewed through the cord of the PS2), so Kevin got a wild scheme and has been working like a fiend on it. He has built a table that is as high as a kitchen counter and about 10' x 6'. In other words, way too big! Takes up most of the room! With all the resultant mess.....now I have to find a new home for a book case and a cabinet...but that's another matter. He has been using the front porch as a work shop for cutting and screwing. So picture the leavings there. At least he finally cleared the plywood off the driveway and put it in out of the weather (well, it was going to rain, and he wanted to use some of it, and jeepers it could be wet!).
Oh let me add that we have, as a lawn ornament, which has been in place for at least a month, right in the center of the yard by our lamp post, a lawn mower. Not just any mower, but a riding mower, with a cart full of sticks attached. Yet he complains about kids bikes and stuff. Go figure! I finally told him yesterday how ridiculous the mower is to be sitting there! (It has a flat tire. No problem, its been flat for ages, he has a thing to pump it up with). He of course disagreed with my opinion.
So he has the table up, with one oval of track on it (he is going to put lots more on, one inside the next) and he has unearthed his most expensive train sets, which he paid hundreds for, and is running them. As I said to him, an accident waiting to happen! I am smiling in anticipation. He plans to put some sort of skirt around the edge of the table, and store things underneath. This all brings to mind what he did in Chesapeake, in the garage room, he built a table that filled the entire room, and underneath was a dark cave that got really moldy, especially when the pipe broke and flooded the room every time I ran the dishwasher and the washing machine until he figured out what was wrong. Shiver! I can accept him storing one or 2 totes under this monstrosity in the living room, but more than that I will have a problem with it! Anyway it will be a great place for the kids to play, a cave or fort or hideout or whatever! I bet he won't like that. But believe me I will encourage them!
Oh and he swears he will sell everything he doesn't need for this table! In the meantime he won another train set this morning. And 2 yesterday. I don't want to be in that business any more. I told him, of course, how many times? I want to be in the business of spending time with my kids! the stuff we get at yard sales to sell on ebay is enough!!! we don't need anything else. I want to get rid of the stuff that's already here! and I can't just turn it over to him because then it will never leave.
so, the area where he sleeps is trashed, he's left dirty clothes on the floor, never does laundry or dishes etc, has the living room torn up & trashed, the garage in an insanely chaotic state, need I go on....yet has the nerve to yell at my children when they make a mess!
I think I live in the twilight zone!!!!!!!!
Oh let me add that we have, as a lawn ornament, which has been in place for at least a month, right in the center of the yard by our lamp post, a lawn mower. Not just any mower, but a riding mower, with a cart full of sticks attached. Yet he complains about kids bikes and stuff. Go figure! I finally told him yesterday how ridiculous the mower is to be sitting there! (It has a flat tire. No problem, its been flat for ages, he has a thing to pump it up with). He of course disagreed with my opinion.
So he has the table up, with one oval of track on it (he is going to put lots more on, one inside the next) and he has unearthed his most expensive train sets, which he paid hundreds for, and is running them. As I said to him, an accident waiting to happen! I am smiling in anticipation. He plans to put some sort of skirt around the edge of the table, and store things underneath. This all brings to mind what he did in Chesapeake, in the garage room, he built a table that filled the entire room, and underneath was a dark cave that got really moldy, especially when the pipe broke and flooded the room every time I ran the dishwasher and the washing machine until he figured out what was wrong. Shiver! I can accept him storing one or 2 totes under this monstrosity in the living room, but more than that I will have a problem with it! Anyway it will be a great place for the kids to play, a cave or fort or hideout or whatever! I bet he won't like that. But believe me I will encourage them!
Oh and he swears he will sell everything he doesn't need for this table! In the meantime he won another train set this morning. And 2 yesterday. I don't want to be in that business any more. I told him, of course, how many times? I want to be in the business of spending time with my kids! the stuff we get at yard sales to sell on ebay is enough!!! we don't need anything else. I want to get rid of the stuff that's already here! and I can't just turn it over to him because then it will never leave.
so, the area where he sleeps is trashed, he's left dirty clothes on the floor, never does laundry or dishes etc, has the living room torn up & trashed, the garage in an insanely chaotic state, need I go on....yet has the nerve to yell at my children when they make a mess!
I think I live in the twilight zone!!!!!!!!
our week
On Weds I took all the kids to the Pittsburgh zoo. We had a great time! We left old grouchy pants at home! The weather was GREAT and there were no crowds!!! we saw zebras right by the fence, mama and baby elephant bathing, beavers building something, heard the lion roar, saw the polar bears swimming right in front of us in the under water tunnel, saw the 3 young tigers swimming and playing, and the snow leopard came right up to the glass and stood there! the sea lion trainers put on a show with the three sea lions!!! it was really cool seeing how well they responded to the hand signals!!! THey are better trained than most peoples dogs!!! IT was really great. Except of course I forgot my camera. Oh well.
Thursday I took the kids to the pumpkin patch at a nearby farm, they had fun, and I bought them some small pumpkins. They had fun petting 2 young cats there also. Another very nice day and no crowds. Gotta love it!
Today I did ebay shipping. Tomorrow we have the last soccer games.
Sunday & Monday are supposed to be very nice also, too nice to waste! We have CCD Sunday so I think Monday we will go to Living Treasures Animal Park. It will be our last chance to go this year! We'll leave grouchy at home! Since he refuses to do what I advise regarding the puppy, he can stay home with her, we will have more fun that way I can assure you! I may also take the kids to the Pittsburgh Science museum this coming week! Patrick has a dentist appt Tuesday though. I think we will do our lessons Sunday and then 2 days later in the week. Jeffrey and I talked and decided we liked the way the Sonlight schedules were set up, so I have created them for next week. I think 3 days a week is all we can handle at this point! When the snows come we can do more! But 3 will be good for now! I have to get some sort of plan down or I will never get to work with them as I'd like to!
Thursday I took the kids to the pumpkin patch at a nearby farm, they had fun, and I bought them some small pumpkins. They had fun petting 2 young cats there also. Another very nice day and no crowds. Gotta love it!
Today I did ebay shipping. Tomorrow we have the last soccer games.
Sunday & Monday are supposed to be very nice also, too nice to waste! We have CCD Sunday so I think Monday we will go to Living Treasures Animal Park. It will be our last chance to go this year! We'll leave grouchy at home! Since he refuses to do what I advise regarding the puppy, he can stay home with her, we will have more fun that way I can assure you! I may also take the kids to the Pittsburgh Science museum this coming week! Patrick has a dentist appt Tuesday though. I think we will do our lessons Sunday and then 2 days later in the week. Jeffrey and I talked and decided we liked the way the Sonlight schedules were set up, so I have created them for next week. I think 3 days a week is all we can handle at this point! When the snows come we can do more! But 3 will be good for now! I have to get some sort of plan down or I will never get to work with them as I'd like to!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
On Home Work
This one kind of hit close to home for me. I'm brand new to unschooling, and am still at the stage where I spend a lot of time questioning if I'm just taking the easy way out. Last night I got a call from my best friend who was shaking--I could hear it in her voice--with frustration over her daughter's schoolwork. The daughter "wasn't trying," "is just acting dumb so she doesn't have to do her homework," and other expressions of anger.
And honestly, when my daughter was in school I'd often feel the same way, even knowing how smart she is, and curious about the world! I'd have to leave the room at homework time because I'd get so angry. Especially around testing time, when my daughter had to do all this review of stuff that was just to satisfy the No Child Left Behind laws, I would dread the end of the school day because for me the stress was just starting, but for my daughter it was just a continuation of the stress she was always under.
And listening to my friend's anger and frustration I felt so grateful that we don't have to go through that anymore. But this is the same friend who--bless her heart, I love her but I disagree with her--thinks that unschooling is just a cop-out, because how am I going to know my daughter is learning anything if I don't have her tested, tested, tested. And other well-meaning friends who act like they've never heard of such a thing as organic learning, letting my daughter's fine, curious mind take her in its most natural course to embrace the whole world. They might not say it, but I hear in their voices the doubt, that maybe I'm just being lazy, "dropping out" myself by allowing my daughter to "drop out."
So it's kind of hard for me to hear that there really are parents who use homeschooling as an excuse to do nothing. I want to naturally rebel against such a thought because I'm afraid that maybe I'm kidding myself. It is easier to unschool, when you compare it to the constant stress and frustration of homework and testing and evaluations and parent/teacher conferences. It is easier when you don't have to dress your kids in 20 layers of clothing on a frigid winter morning just so they can trudge outside before the sun's even fully up to catch the school bus. It's easier being able to get up when your body's rested instead of when the alarm tells you.
It's a lot easier to have a day that's structured around the body and the mind's natural rhythms than some arbitrary schedule. So does being grateful for that mean that I'm just naturally lazy, that I don't want to make the effort?
Mary
Saturday, October 06, 2007
words from Sandra
"It takes years of schooling to
knock the intelligence out of a child."
This was someone's sigline in a wholly unrelated forum. I was thinking when I saw it that it didn't take all that many years. But then I thought it's not "intelligence" that children lose, it's curiosity and joy and hope and willingness. And in there, the relationship with the parents goes quickly, because in most cases the parents told the kids that school would be fun, and they would learn a lot.
The parents didn't mean to lie (usually, I'm sure). They too were hopeful and willing.
I don't think it takes many years.
And I think parents can do the same damage to "intelligence" (whatever different components that might have) at home, if they "do school" or parent in ways that create and ever deepen a chasm between them and their children.
Sandra
